Sunday Sermon: The Cup, the Horn, the Ball and an Octopus

VIVA SPAIN!

The World Cup has come and gone for another four years and despite all of the wonderful football that has graced the pitch, many people will remember South Africa 2010 for different reasons.

There is no doubt that the early stages of the tournament were dominated by the controversy surrounding the Vuvuzela. This so-called musical instrument would more aptly be described as a weapon for cruel and unusual punishment as its monotone noise dominated the eardrums beyond all belief.

Personally I question its cultural value even while many said it was a descendant of the “Kudu Horn” which was blown to summon African villagers to meetings.

It makes me think of eighty thousand people showing up to the MCG with a 1.5mtr length of PVC pipe to blow into during a game claiming it to be a descendant of the didgeridoo.

But that’s just me.

The ball chosen by FIFA for the tournament attracted it own fair share of controversy. The Adidas “Jabulani” was claimed by the manufacturer to be the most technologically advanced ball ever designed.

This may be the case but it now seems possible that some things can be too perfect as the most spherical ball ever produced seemed to play havoc with the skills of the world best players.

It hard to think who was most adversely affected by the obscure path taken by the ball after it left the boot. The world’s greatest ball strikers continuously struggled to keep the ball on track from free kicks and keepers were bamboozled by the track of the ball in flight as it regularly seemed to defy the laws of physics.

But despite the wonderful football that was played, the Vuvuzela’s and the ball that was just too round, for me South Africa 2010 will remembered for……

“PAUL THE PYSCHIC OCTOPUS”

If you polled a million people around the world on day one of the world cup and asked the Question: Who will be the most memorable character from the 2010 World Cup? I somehow doubt you would have got one response referring to an eight legged soothsayer.

Paul owned the second week of the tournament as fans forgot about their eardrums and tuned into the media to see the psychic Octopus predict the result of Germany’s contests with startling accuracy.

Game after game Paul correctly identified the result of all of Germany’s games finishing with a perfect 8/8 record.

Many theories now permeate the web with some claiming the octopus prefers the colour yellow always going to the box containing more of that colour, others claim the ‘fix is in’ and Paul’s owners are the true psychics placing Paul’s preferred food in the box of the expected winner.

Regardless of the reasons why, there is nothing people love more than a wacky animal story and I’m sure patronage at the Sea Life Centre in Oberhausen has made the marketing ploy a worthwhile exercise.

So the door is closed on South Africa 2010 and for part-time football supporters like myself I can stop pretending I know much about the game for another four years and get back to the sports I do know something about.

So bring on Brazil 2014 and “Harry the Goalkeeping Monkey”

Well! You never know.

Surely it makes as much sense as Paul.

Mondays Expert

Sunday Sermon: It’s Just Not Cricket

What a 24hrs of sport. Seriously, there was enough to keep you going all day and well into the night.

Right in the heart of football season we have AFL and NRL clashes taking a back seat to the biggest sporting show on the planet, ‘The World Cup’. The drama associated with each match in this tournament is unparalleled in world sport as entire nations stand transfixed over each contest.

Last night also signalled the start of another classic world renowned sporting contest, the ‘Tour de France’, with Aussie hopes firmly weighing on the shoulders of our current world road racing champion, Cadel Evans.

Both these events made it difficult for the Aussie sports fanatic to find any time to watch Serena Williams dominate another Grand Slam final and lock away her fourth Wimbledon title.

Then if you can believe it, sandwiched in amongst this buffet of delectable sporting treats was Game 5 of the 2010 Australia v England one day series.

What was that?

You didn’t know it was on?

Sorry, I misheard, you didn’t care it was on!

With all of the yawn, yawn one day and Twenty20 cricket that is played around the globe every year this series was perhaps the biggest YAWN of all.

It’s hard to know where to start about what is wrong with playing these types of ‘empty space’ fixtures, but let me have a try.

Firstly, it cheapens the game. Cricket is a semi-global sport that is loves by more than a billion people worldwide (thanks India), and One Day Cricket was once, arguably, the most popular form of the game.

Aussies loved their One-Dayers, with the Tri-series in Australia each summer drawing huge crowds both at venues and on tv. Fast forward to television coverage of international tours by pay tv and we began to feel that you could have too much of a good thing.

For a while there however, these one day games were packaged with a test tour in a form that maintained the credibility of the sport.

Now-days, the forever-loved summer tri-series is gone, Twenty20 cricket has stolen the one day audience and the new role for one-day cricket appears to be filling an ‘empty space’ in scheduling where there might be a buck to be made.

Next, it cheapens the jersey. Playing for Australia should be the pinnacle of any sports person’s career. Sadly, the shear volume of meaningless cricket played today means many talented second tier players, have international careers by virtue of injury and burnout rather than talent.

Finally, it cheapens the rivalry that is Australia v England. These are the contests that Aussie sports fans love more than any other, and cricket used to be the greatest example of this rivalry. We loved only getting to see Australia tackle the old enemy twice in four years. We loved how it is for the ‘Ashes’ one of the most unique trophies is world sport. We loved waiting to see who the Poms would pick to tackle our Aussie heroes.

Alas, with the Ashes less than 4 months away, this over exposure to ‘empty space’ cricket has already tarnished the contest that is to come.

So the time has come to wake up Cricket Australia and realise Aussie sports fans don’t care for empty space cricket. Be careful you don’t cheapen the game so much; we choose to buy something else instead.

Mondays Expert